Well, I don’t live in S. Carolina…

…so I was not the Mega Millions winner.  I still had to come into work today. Balls! Can you imagine the person that did win? One person with one ticket? Holy crow if I were them,  I would not announce publicly that I was the winner, that’s for certain.  Oh well, there is still the Powerball tonight!

Went home last night and did mundane things first before I settled in for the night like cleaned out the entire fridge and washed all the shelves and drawers. Tossed out all old food which now i have to go shopping. Great, right? Then i showered and sat down to do more embroidery on the banner for investiture this weekend and watched the rest of the series on Netflix “the Haunting of Hill House”. Pretty good. Not as scary to me as they were touting online in articles, but it was good. Had a good story line, etc.

Looking for suggestions for another series to watch. Any?

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If Wishes Were Horses…

I would consider myself a lucky person.  I have a pretty good life that honestly, I can’t complain about. I have a good husband who loves me dearly. I have two healthy teenage boys that do pretty well in school and have a descent head on their shoulders and 3 crazy fur babies that I love 98% of the time (not counting when they chew brand new converse sneakers or jump on my knitting needles causing $3500.00 in vet bills to save his hyperactive ass).   I have a good job that, while boring, pays well and isn’t too difficult or stressful to perform. The people here are nice and we even have an office dog that comes in a few times a week. Would I like to be doing something differently for my 9-5? Hell yes but this is what I’ve got for now. A lot of people don’t even have this so..again..I have nothing to complain about.  My own health is pretty good minus needing to lose some weight.  I’m working on that (60 more to go). I have family that loves me, both blood and chosen family and would step up and help should we truly need it. I am not wanting for anything.

That all being said, I have wishes. OHMYGAWD I want to win the lottery.  1.2 billion dollars is a helluva lot of money.  Like most people in this world, I have the “list” of things I would do should I ever win the lottery. My debts (not terribly much but slightly more now because of said crazy corgi of mine) are as such that a 2 million dollar win would cover me and mine completely with lots left over to invest and keep us comfortable. But 1.2 billion!?!  I have a large list of people I would help. I would give money back to the charities that helped us when my son was going through his treatments.  Friends of Karen were such a good support to us between funds to help with extra bills, gas/tolls reimbursement hell they even helped us with Thanksgiving dinner for two years. Back to school supplies too. One of the kindest charities I have seen and been a recipient of Id give them a bunch of money for certain. I have a friend that seriously needs a new house. My sister needs all kinds of repairs after her neighbors house blew up and damaged the hell out of hers back in August.  My help the friends and loved ones list is descent sized.

There is of course my list, which isn’t that grand. The usual..pay off the house, the tiny amount of debt we have, get my dream tripped out minivan (Yes I said Minivan!!! no judging!!), do the home renovations we want done, maybe a little traveling, set up funds for the boys and then invest the rest.  Would I still work? Id probably take some time off but then I would open up the store I’ve dreamed about.  Specialty knitting and embroidery supplies that has a place to sit and stitch/knit. Id also have a tiny cooler case with pastries made by my friend and have a coffee maker too. There’s a similar store in a neighboring town but it only has knitting supplies. I am allowed to dream.

So anyway, last night I took a chance and bought a couple tickets. I wasn’t going to but a family member that is out of town asked if I would pick up a couple for them and i got a couple for us. Maybe one of us will get lucky!

 

FYI

I have a blog on blogspot where i log all my craft things that I do both SCA and mundane in nature. That blog has been around for ten years (?) so being the ditz that I am, it didn’t occur to me that perhaps I should drop a link here whenever I update it so others can see it as well.

https://theembroideress.blogspot.com/

I will have things I will be updating to it shortly when I complete them. Enjoy!

Also: Kyle’s pet scan is done. While I will wait for the dr to call me with the official results the tech said it looked good.  next week is MRI of his hand.

Life..the Universe…Everything

In theory, I love blogging and journaling.  Seems though life gets in the way a lot of times.  My life is wake at 6am, get the boys up and started for school while i get ready for work. Shuffle them off at 7 to their buses and then leave for work myself twenty five minutes later and get done at 3 (HA! yesterday I was there 3 hours longer than my shift), come home take care of the pooches, start dinner, normal house/life stuff and then by 8 o’clock i’m most likely falling asleep on the couch.  Its exhausting and by that point I have not picked up a pen to journal nor logged on to blog.  I have one of those “I Want to Do” lists that is a mile long but my motivation seems to have taken an extended vacation itself.  Add to that constant aches and pains all day long from wake to sleep. I wondered if I needed a new mattress but mine is only 6 years old and it’s a good model Beauty Rest.  My brain is making me wonder if I have the starting of fibromyalgia.  Googling symptoms shows a lot of what I feel. Course, every time I do that I am reminded of my Mother who use to have a set of Funk and Wagner (?) encyclopedias. They came with a medical set as well and she use to look up symptoms and get scared she had something terminal. At one point I think she was convinced she had a brain tumor and lupus, neither of which she did. I wake in the mornings and get out of bed and my knees hurt, my hips hurt, my back hurts. I thought after a goodly amount of sleep you were suppose to feel rested and recharged not broken and wanting to climb back into bed. Yea i know, meow, meow, meow. I’m probably just getting old. I’m just tired of being in pain all the time.  It seriously kills my motivation to do anything outside of being a couch potato.

Today is a trip to Westchester for my son’s one year cancer check scans. All prayers are appreciated that they are again, clear and unchanged.

 

 

Another page…

Wednesday I turned in my letter of resignation to the post office with the intent of my final day being Monday.  Unfortunately, the postal truck must have had a grudge against me and decided to give me an injury to my elbow today and the doc’s at the urgent care said it needs rest for at least a week and a brace to help. Tendinitis and elbow strain from the sliding truck door lock sticking. It’s disappointing to me because I don’t like not fulfilling my commitments but at the same time, I’m not entirely unhappy because I get to relax tomorrow and Sunday instead of be there before 7am and come home at 6pm, exhausted and stressed.  Had I held a career position that was full time with benefits, I would have fought through it all to stay.   I liked every person I worked with in the post office and have not one negative word to say about them. They were all very supportive, friendly and helpful. The postmaster stated I was well liked and would happily take me back if i were to apply again for a position with them.

My new employer is The UPS Store. The hours will be just about full time. Its an inside job not working in the weather. Benefits after a few months and never any hours on Sunday. I will work an occasional Saturday (one a month, maybe two) but the owner and manager both know about my SCA hobby and know I have teenage boys and they understand I need weekends on occasion. Most of my hours will be during the week.  This makes me happy. Ryan too.  This weekend I will get some gentle arting done.  Art that will minimize the arm lifting/bending.  Must remember to turn off my early bird weekend alarm….or delete it completely.

Just another page in my book of life…the rest is still unwritten. (yes, I quoted a song..no groaning.) 😉

 

Floundering…flop, flop

Have you ever felt like you’re in a large room of people and things and you’re spinning around with no direction in mind…no one specific person to talk to…no idea what to do? Feel like a fish out of water and your flopping around wondering how to get back to the comfort and safety of the glistening life saving water?   That is what I have been feeling of late.  For a year and a half almost my focus was on my son and all that he needed to get well. Now he is well. Shortly after my last post in July, my old employer faked the business closing so he could lay me off with little guilt on his part. Needless to say the business is still open and he fessed up to the truth of it all to my husband and said he will always need him at the company and kept him. While I miss the stability of the job and spending the days with my husband I do not miss the stress of working for that man.  Since then, I have felt as I have described above. No direction. On a whim, I applied for a job with the post office as rural route carrier. Sent in my resume, passed the online assessments, went in for an in person assessment test and then was called in for an in person interview. When we interviewed, we were then told it was only guaranteed 1 day a week to cover the day off of the career carrier we were subbing for, which was Saturday or Monday. We were not considered career so we weren’t given benefits of any type.  We were also only allowed to work for them because if they called to have us come in other than that specified day off, we had to set them as a priority.  Everyone said this was a great opportunity, a foot in the door. So I said yes.  I went through all the training and started late October fully.  That’s when it went south but as much as I could go on, I wont. Needless to say, it isn’t anything i was told it would be. I don’t see or spend time with my family now because its every weekend and I come home exhausted and practically fall asleep on the couch at 7:30. I haven’t been to an SCA event since early October and unless I find other employment, won’t be at one for a couple months.  I have been searching the post office web site for different jobs to apply for but none are available that I want…or they are two hours away in the city.

I was watching Julie&Julia last night and realized that I felt a lot like Julie in the movie. So many things that I have wanted to do in my life, with my life and just…haven’t. I have a degree in Art and can’t find a thing to do with it for employment. I feel like I chose poorly when I decided on what to pursue for a degree.  I want to desperately work professionally as an embroideress but there are no jobs locally that I have found so far. I see these fabulous works that women make but those jobs seem to be over seas in England or Italy where the fashion trade originates from or where embroidery is still needed for museums and royalty. The Royal School of Needlework in England is a dream to visit..hell I would love to have attended there. Nothing here in po-dunk Port Ewen.  I did come to the decision last night that I was going to attempt to revive my joy of cooking that I once had by digging out my copy of Mastering the Art of French Cooking and trying my hand at a few recipes. I will not be killing myself and doing the whole book in a year as she did..I don’t have the budget for that, but a recipe once a week or every other week wouldn’t be bad.

I guess I’m in a rut. A deep one at that. I want to do it all but have no gumption to get up and start. Admittedly it’s been like this for a while. Everyone tells me I’m so strong but quite honestly I feel anything but strong. I feel weak and sad. Also scatterbrained and without focus or direction. What i want right now in life is to have a good job that pays fairly descent, that lets me have weekends with friends and family to do fun things and isn’t real stressful and doesnt cause my arthritis to flare up daily. Is that so much to ask? I have skills in so many areas and feel like they never quite seem to fit any one thing out there.  Dear powers that be….HELP!

Wishes…

So, I have this wish board. I read about it a while back, about putting out to the universe what you want and need and if your intentions are good, things would happen. I figured, what the hell and decided to make one up. It’s comprised of pictures of things that I want in my life…things I wish for.  Over the years the items have changed when surprisingly they come to fruition. A few of the pictures I had taken down in a fashion of giving up on it. Oddly, they came about shortly after. Believe it or not a picture of Nathan Fillian was on the board and when I took it down, a couple months later I met him at NYC Comic Con.  That was pretty cool.

I have been down a bit lately, still in my hermit phase after all the treatments and such (Yay, he’s cancer free!!) so I decided to do a little updating to my board.  My biggest thing I really want is a job change. My therapist says I am in a toxic environment at my place of business and that the owner is verbally abusive.  He isn’t there very often but when he does, if business is slow, he can be unpleasant to say the least. He never speaks badly when the other staff is around but if it is just he and I in the room, there are insults, snide and derogatory remarks and threats of job loss. I have looked for other positions but at the same time, the couple places I interviewed at aren’t willing to be obliging of the dr visits I still have to take my son to for his post treatment check ups.  So the couple places I interviewed at have not called back or sent notification that they position was given to another interviewee.  It’s causing major stress and disagreements within the family and with my spouse especially. Its hard to not take the owners remarks to heart and to let them roll off of me. I have never been able to do that. i was not built that way.  I’m weary and tired. My dream is to have a job where my crafts bring in an income to compare to where i work.  Or to have some type of work from home position that will do that as well.  I wouldn’t mind being a stay at home Mom again either or have the position to work from home.

The things on my wish board are obvious and don’t need explaining, but it’s a look into what I want in life. Goals. Dreams. Wishes.   Hell, my dream to visit Italy is coming true in October thanks to a wonderful sister in law. (love you Gia!) I am still in shock over that one..delightful shock.

Well, scouts time.

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